While
being a foster parent, we had five children come and go as temporary
placements. I can tell you now, that we made mistakes. We also
learned from those mistakes. I mentioned before having a placement
come the night before leaving for a family visit. In hind sight, we
were blessed to have a baby that was so "go with the flow".
Now I know to take a day or two with a child to adjust to their new
surroundings.
This
means cancelling scheduled trips, appointments, and staying home.
This first baby was plunged into my extended family, but he held
tight to the only stability he knew at that moment, my husband and I.
He refused to sit on others laps if either of us walked in the room.
He cried when we left. I should have noticed these things then, but I
will say it aloud, I was inexperienced.
The
next child had more one on one time with me, however she was an
emotional wreck when I left her with my husband while I went to work
two nights later. She didn't take to my husband for several days and
wouldn't let him near her if I was not home. I took the rest of the
week off after I realized this. Within a few weeks, I left my job all
together. In part because these babies needed me more than I needed
work.
By
the third child, I learned that it was imperative that I give the
child time to adjust and adapt. We had a play date scheduled that
day, and I chose to stay home so that she wasn't jerked about. This
was the easiest transition by far. I am sure her personality had
something to do with it, but I also know it was because she had time
to adjust.
If
you chose to foster or adopt, be sure that you take the time off to
help the child adjust to your home. Help them adjust to you and let
them grieve whatever they have left behind, even if you feel that
this is a better situation. That was their stability and this whole
process is scary for them.
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