The Monthly Torment

I shared a few days ago that we stopped trying. The irony of "not trying" is that without an agreement to continue the rest of your days celibate, you never really stop. Oh yeah, you stop charting, seeing your doctor monthly (or more often), taking pills, timing your rendezvous, etc. But there is always that glimmer of hope, at least there is in the early days.
I have had (self-diagnosed) Phantom Pregnancies. Please feel free to read into this that I have imagined random symptoms and let my mind run wild. I have had swollen/tender breasts around my period (yes, I know lots of women do) and sworn that I was pregnant. I also have had "morning sickness" symptoms, including hacking and occasionally vomiting. Lastly I have had on several occasions gone from having a cycle that works like clock-work (28 days on the button) to being up to 4 weeks late!
On each of these occurences I tried to reason with my psyche, "Look, you aren't pregnant...You aren't pregnant...You aren't pregnant." And told myself, "I will wait until I am xx days/weeks late, and THEN buy a pregnancy test." I have involved my husband, usually only on the times when I am LITERALLY LATE. He is much more level-headed than I am on these things.
Often what happens is that I have psyched myself (and him) out to the point where I FINALLY take a test or (on a more recent late period)called my doctor. Either of those instances is usually followed (within 24 hours) by my period. Eve's Curse. Aunt Flo. Whatever you want to call it.
As I mentioned, early on I got excited. I might have shared with a few close girlfriends. I started picking out names, yes I know its crazy. Then once I started, I would hit an all new low. Sometimes crying in the bathroom. Sometimes sending tearful texts to all who were excited with me. And often (early on) not knowing why we couldn't conceive.