Living by the BBT

The BBT, or Basal Body Thermometer becomes a close friend of many during this journey. Every morning is began by reaching for the BBT the moment your eyes open. After taking your temperature you reach over for your trusty pen and chart to mark off your day's temperature with the corresponding day of your cycle (also marked with the date of the month).
The thought is that once you see a pattern of the temperature remaining the same for several days, and then a spike followed by a drop (running entirely on a 10 year old memory), you have an idea of your most fertile day. This is the more economical option to the ovulation test kits.

Your next goal is to "make a baby" on that day. After a month, or two, or three...this becomes more of a chore and less of a spontaneous act of love. I know for a fact that we are not alone in feeling this way. I have heard over and over again how couples try to keep the romance alive during this time. A new nighty, a spontaneous "date night" at a hotel, a special dinner, or anything to try to alleviate the work of what should be such a beautiful thing.
For us...this was the beginning of our stress. Gone was our spontaneity what followed was resentment and a feeling of responsibility to furthering a bloodline. In essence we felt like valued breeding livestock trying to perfect a science, not enjoying each other.
To add to this experience of responsibility of furthering our genetics, we had check-in visits with our primary care provider where he checked my thyroid levels and would ask for copies of our charts. After living by my daily body temperature for several months he suggested our next step.
**Image borrowed from http://infertility.about.com/od/tryingtoconceive101/tp/bbt_body_basal_temperature.htm

Family is in Your Heart

**Spoiler Alert** I am skipping forward.
Once we realized that we most likely would never have children of our own, we decided that we had too much love to share to stay childless. Since we both came from large families (I have 5 siblings and my husband has 8), it just didn't make sense to either of us to sit and mope. We had both known from an early age that we wanted to adopt, my husband at an earlier age than I, but because we are the average American household, we didn't have the finances to do so privately. Also because we were not exposed to others who had adopted, we were unaware of financing or fundraising options.
What we did have was a family in our church who fostered children, and had adopted a few. We approached them with some questions, and they pointed us in the direction of our local county foster agency. This was roughly 5 years ago when received our first packet of information. Honestly overwhelming didn't even begin to describe the paperwork in front of us. Roughly half-way through, we tossed it.
Roughly one year later, we contacted our local office again and signed up for the foster parent training course. We still didn't have our paperwork completed, but we wanted to have more information...Do we foster-adopt? Do we just adopt? What are our chances? What are we REALLY getting into? We had been told that since we didn't have children of our own, we would have a harder time adopting from foster care. Something to the affect of "You haven't proven that you can parent normal children, so the committee or caseworker will wonder if you have it to parent ours." Harsh? Yes, but truthful? I think so? In the end we chose to foster, to gain "experience" and possibly be able to adopt a child that we already have a relationship with.

The Initial Visit...

A year of "practicing" later and I approached my annual "physical". Since my regular doctor was out on vacation, I saw one of his partners who upon reading my pre-visit paperwork asked the question that has plagued me for years. "You don't take birth-control?!?" "No." "DO YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT?!?!" -This question is always asked with some bewilderment as though I don't realize that NO BIRTH CONTROL could mean a BABY! I answered something to the effect of, "That would be nice", which was responded by a "How long have you been 'not preventing'". After I told her that it had been roughly a year, I was met with those sad eyes and informed that "after a year of unprotected sex you are deemed INFERTILE" but not to worry because "you are young" (I should note that I am a mature 21 at this point) and we could try some medications to "get things moving"...thus began my experience as the human pin cushion...
I should insert here that in all equality, I was not the only one who had tests. My husband also endured the basic man-test...to try to keep my marriage together, I will spare you (and him) with the details. Let's just leave it at "he checked out" and we'll go from there...
My first test was a simple blood test which confirmed that I had hypothyroidism. I began taking the synthetic hormone to offset my thyroids inefficient creation of that hormone. Did I mention that I stink at taking pills? But in this instance I had a goal...BABY, so I was diligent. After a few months and no baby, we took it up a notch.

Some History

Our journey began 12 years ago, almost to the day. My husband and I were YOUNG newly weds, I now ask myself "What were we thinking?!?" He was barely 20, and I was just shy of that mark, but we were in love. Don't misunderstand me, I love him wholeheartedly and cherish every day that we had together, but there was so much growing up that happened together those first years. Not to mention TONS of trial and error. But I digress...

Like most young people we thought that the next logical step was getting our Bachelor's degrees followed by our Master's. No, seriously, we thought that since we had crossed MARRIAGE off of our to-do list a baby was next! So on a wing and a prayer (roughly 6 months after marriage), we "stopped preventing" allowing God to take control of our fertility. (What a test that has been).

The Myth

I know some of you are looking at this Blog's title thinking..."This girl didn't pass health class or anatomy!" Let me assure you, I DID PASS. I am aware that this is not truth, but for the many women and men who dream of having a family, whose desire is to feel a life that they shared in the creation of within their own body or their partner's, this is TRUTH.
I am that woman. Not too long ago this statement was shared with me by my husband and when I was considering the title of this blog, it fit. My husband and I tried to have kids "the old fashioned way" for years, as far as doctors are concerned since we use no preventative measures now, we are still trying (I know TMI). However there is a point when "The Pregnancy Myth" becomes reality in your heart.
Heading back to our original conversation, it happened out of the blue. We were driving home, I couldn't even remember where from, and he looked at me saying, "Pregnancy is a myth. Its like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, it just isn't real." We continued our conversation about how we knew that it was real for others, our siblings, friends, and shoot even those that we might think shouldn't have kids, but for us it is something that we will (most likely) never experience. That conversation is one that I will never forget, not because my heart was broken...no that happened long before this point, when I left an unsympathetic Doctor's office (more on that story later), but because it was the truth. For the first time we were able to put words and a description to what we were feeling. In a weird way, that conversation opened our eyes up to each other and our souls.
Pregnancy is Just a Myth, this blog is where I will be posting (hopefully somewhat regularly) our story thus far. Our tears, and our joys. I will post some hurtful things said to us, and things that have encouraged us. Honestly, this will not be a feel good blog. If you haven't been on this journey it may make you uncomfortable. I am still going to encourage you to follow, because for a friend, relative, or an acquaintance pregnancy maybe a myth and my experiences may help you in understanding them. My hope is that through this we can learn together how to love more, listen more, and understand each other.