A Perfect Moment

While in the midst of attending these classes, I approached my friend who has been a long-time foster parent. She had a little boy, who was roughly three months old. I knew this from attending church and being a member of the 'baby snatchers' family. You see when this foster family has a new baby, our family offers to take the baby so that they can enjoy church. ;) This gives us the time to get our 'baby fix' since at this time there were few grand-babies and not enough to go around. Sorry, followed the rabbit trail. I had approached her since we had taken a class or two I felt like we were 'nearly certified' and offered to babysit him for them, if they needed help. She told me that she would keep that in mind.
A few weeks later she took me up on that offer, and I brought home a baby boy for the afternoon. We cuddled him, snuggled him, fed him (probably too much), and LOVED on him. It was an afternoon that I will remember forever. At one point he got fussy, probably because I was all up in his face with a bottle, and my husband took him. He held him in the crook of his arm and they 'played video games' together. The baby was content, like he belonged there.

The Classes to Talk You Out of This

Roughly two months after our initial meeting we were sitting in a classroom for our first class. We were fortunate enough to get in on weekend classes, when DHS was still offering them. These classes ran three hours on Friday, eight hours on Saturday, and eight hours on Sunday. They were carried out for two consecutive weekends. On the first day of our class we were asked to state our names, birth order, and what our end-goal was for taking these classes. You see, our instructor believed in (and so do I) the fact that your rank in your family, or your birth-order, helps shape who you are as an adult. She also wanted to get a feel for our class, what we hoped to get out of this. There were really four options as far as goals go, Foster, Foster-Adopt, Adopt, or Relative Care. My husband and I were half-way around the room, and really didn't know if we were there to adopt or foster-adopt, we had kicked both options around, but hadn't come to a conclusion. By the time that she made it to us, we had decided, Foster-Adopt.

She also shared a lot of her history. Our instructor was a former-foster child, she had a degree in psychology, and was also an adoptive mother. If you ask me, she is a rare person to have in Child-Welfare, but the perfect person to be there. She shared her own story of abuse, healing, and parenting. She was able to use her own life as an example of what foster kids endure. I won't go into details, as I don't have her permission, but to say my heart was broken for her and these children would be an understatement. 

These classes, essentially prepared us for "worse-case scenarios". They covered physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. They also covered neglect, which is hard to identify on its own, but is just as damaging. The classes themselves seemed to be designed to prepare you for horrible things to see, hear, and experience through these kids. In the end we weren't scared off, we wanted to fight for these kids. 

Mother's Day

We all know it, Mother's Day is a cliche "Greeting Card Holiday" but when you are infertile, it is so much more. You wake knowing that today is the day that others celebrate what you can't have. You go to church and watch ALL the mothers being called forward, and cry inwardly because very few know your story. Then you spend the rest of the day either trying to forget its Mother's Day by doing something fun (which really is impossible as strangers from the waitress at the restaurant to the girl at the perfume counter all ask remind you), or in the fetal position on your bed sobbing. I have done both, neither really works.
Now I am a Mom, and honestly other than the presents (public THANK YOU for the Pioneer Woman Cookbook to my son), today will go on like any other day. I woke up, made my coffee, and set out my son's breakfast. I took him potty, helped him take his nighttime pull-up off, and assisted him in washing his hands. I selected today's wardrobe, dressed him, and brushed his hair. Later I will cook, do dishes, and HOPEFULLY weed what will be my flower beds. The only difference for me is that today I will remember why I do these things.
Today I will remind myself that as little as three years ago, I cried because I couldn't do them. As you know, I don't claim perfection, I am a wreck. So often I forget why I do these things. I admittedly sleep in too late, spend too much time on facebook, and really despise working in my yard, but today I chose to celebrate my son. Really, isn't that what being a Mother is all about?

Sometimes Commercials Make Me Cry

So today, I was babysitting a friends three miracles along with my own son. See all four children are blessings to our families through adoption, and while I was sitting with the kids in the living room a *Pampers* commercial came on. Maybe you have seen this commercial, it is roughly a full minute in length and talks about babies as miracles. There are no spoken words, just written statements, but the impact was so great that I started to weep. For me, my son is a blessing that far outweighs the value of oil in the Middle East or diamonds in Africa. Do I remember this when he is having a temper tantrum in a department store and I have to carry him out SCREAMING and KICKING? I would lie if I claim to have walked out with a smile on my face announcing to the world, "THIS IS MY BLESSING!" I get frustrated, I sometimes raise my voice, and occasionally do or say something that I later regret (and have to apologize to him for). I am human. Tonight, I at 7:30pm I had a rare opportunity. It was roughly a half hour before bedtime and instead of jumping on facebook, I decided to snuggle my boy. We read five books, laid on his twin bed together, and bonded. This is my miracle. I know this to be true, and I need to take more time to be with him. I am posting about this commercial so that you can cry with me. I hope that it reminds you the next time you see that mom, (maybe its me) leaving a department store with a screaming toddler, to appreciate the miracle...but don't tell her that in the moment. Or that it will remind you to hug your children tighter, and appreciate their breaths. They are miraculous.
 **I do not own this commercial, nor was I paid in any way to do this, but what company doesn't love FREE ADVERTISING**

*Pampers*

Tell Us About this Adoption Thing

Roughly four years ago we moved back into our condo. Somehow over the past six years this has become "home-base" but that is another story for another time. Our condo is roughly 900 square feet, I'd say its more on the "roughly" side of 900, meaning its smaller than. It is a small 3-bedroom, one bath unit with NO OUTDOOR SPACE. We had three dogs at that time, and while life was okay, we felt like we weren't complete and we really needed to go for this "Adoption Thing". So again, I called up our DHS office and this time scheduled an appointment with a representative from their office. Within a week or so she was sitting on our couch with us discussing Foster-care and Adoption. The highlights of the conversation included the fact that we have "No children" of our own. Therefore, we would not be "as strong of candidates" to adopt "THEIR KIDDOS" since our parenting experience was non-existent. You see, when you adopt a child they often come with baggage (especially from foster care). This might not be visible immediately, but they must be handled with care. There maybe feelings of loss or abandonment down the road or immediately; they may have physical or mental delays/limitations; or they may have memories of abuse and neglect in their prior home. For these reasons DHS would look at us and ask, "You haven't parented 'normal kids' how do you expect to be able to parent 'ours'?" Harsh, yes. Right, probably not. Since when is a government agency not biased? The second piece that has stuck with me forever, and probably the ONE thing that I should have listened better to, was her statement about attachment. She told us that DHS "asks foster parents to do the impossible, to love a child completely and attach to them, but be willing to let go". You see, attachment is necessary for kids development. A child learns to trust the adults who care for them, and that builds the base for them to attach to others as they get older. A child who is not given an opportunity to attach, may struggle in all relationships as they get older. In essence, they may stop reaching out since they have not had their emotional needs met. We knew we could love kids selflessly, there was no question of that. After our conversation she suggested an upcoming foster parent certification class. This class is 40 hours of intense training on child development, behaviors, addiction, neglect, abuse, and the system. She suggested that maybe we should attend this to help us decide which direction to go. As she left, we asked her to sign us up.