Roughly a year ago, I had an individual try to use my infertility to challenge my religious beliefs. This is a person who is supposed to be close to me. We grew up together, attended church together, and still to this day see each other regularly at functions. Somewhere along the line we parted denominational lines.
I promise that I will do my best to not CRAM or preach to you on this site, it is for support. It is for education, but I needed to lay this out to give reference to my story. I do not have problems with Atheism, Buddhism, or individuals of the Muslim faith. I believe what I believe and I know where I stand.
Going back to the title of this post. In a HEATED discussion in an attempt to trap me or sway my beliefs, this individual stated, "So God blessed you with infertility right?" My response was, "Not blessed." This is a natural "in the moment" response. Honestly when I began this post it was in anger and I was going to use this forum to tell that person OFF! But if I stop and think of the blessings I have had through infertility, I cannot help but weep. My marriage is stronger (yes, I know this is not always the case); I have made life-long friendships that I never would have; and I have a BEAUTIFUL son.
I shared with you previously the struggles early in our marriage. My husband shut down, he would see me weeping and leave the room. I now know it was because he hurt and couldn't "fix" me. He had no clue how to handle his own emotions let alone mine. Through infertility we grew. We battled this side by side, and learned how to handle each other in our darkest times. Are we perfect, no. Are we UNIFIED, yes. We became two soldiers, fighting an invisible enemy named "infertility." Often my husband will tell friends, "If we can survive those days, we can survive anything." I believe he is correct.
There have been posts about my friend. The one who has suffered miscarriages, and gone on to adopt not one but (now) FOUR beautiful children. We met through our eldest children's foster mother. She is the one who brought us together, and honestly another close friend who I would never had if not for infertility. Both of these women have shaped me as a wife and mother. They have taught me to fight for children. They have held me as I have sobbed the loss of a foster child. If not for infertility, I would not have the relationship that I have with either woman. I wouldn't know many of you either.
Lastly, and most importantly is my son. Does he make me crazy? YES. Does he test my boundaries? ALL THE TIME. But, he is MINE. Without infertility I couldn't guarantee that I would have him. We planned on adoption, both of us telling our mothers as children that someday we would adopt. It was always the plan to adopt one child, but without infertility would it have been this one? I don't know. Maybe we would have had our four in our early 20s and stopped. I CANNOT IMAGINE NOT BEING HIS MOTHER. He is my biggest blessing that has come from infertility.
You see, I was wrong. I am BLESSED by infertility. Just not in the way that most people would take it. Now, does this post mean that those of you who have never experienced infertility should go pointing out "blessings" as your infertile friends sob? NO. Let them come to these conclusions in their own time, just listen and hold them (emotionally or physically if they want). Does this blot out the error of that individual trying to use my infertility as a tool to convert me to their beliefs? HELL NO! (sorry Mom) No one has that right. NO ONE, and I will say this once (okay, lying I will say it as many times as it takes to get it through people's thick skulls) USING ANOTHER'S PAIN TO PAINT YOUR BELIEFS AS RIGHT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. This goes for Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, and Atheists (sorry if I left more than a few religions out).
