Tell Us About this Adoption Thing

Roughly four years ago we moved back into our condo. Somehow over the past six years this has become "home-base" but that is another story for another time. Our condo is roughly 900 square feet, I'd say its more on the "roughly" side of 900, meaning its smaller than. It is a small 3-bedroom, one bath unit with NO OUTDOOR SPACE. We had three dogs at that time, and while life was okay, we felt like we weren't complete and we really needed to go for this "Adoption Thing". So again, I called up our DHS office and this time scheduled an appointment with a representative from their office. Within a week or so she was sitting on our couch with us discussing Foster-care and Adoption. The highlights of the conversation included the fact that we have "No children" of our own. Therefore, we would not be "as strong of candidates" to adopt "THEIR KIDDOS" since our parenting experience was non-existent. You see, when you adopt a child they often come with baggage (especially from foster care). This might not be visible immediately, but they must be handled with care. There maybe feelings of loss or abandonment down the road or immediately; they may have physical or mental delays/limitations; or they may have memories of abuse and neglect in their prior home. For these reasons DHS would look at us and ask, "You haven't parented 'normal kids' how do you expect to be able to parent 'ours'?" Harsh, yes. Right, probably not. Since when is a government agency not biased? The second piece that has stuck with me forever, and probably the ONE thing that I should have listened better to, was her statement about attachment. She told us that DHS "asks foster parents to do the impossible, to love a child completely and attach to them, but be willing to let go". You see, attachment is necessary for kids development. A child learns to trust the adults who care for them, and that builds the base for them to attach to others as they get older. A child who is not given an opportunity to attach, may struggle in all relationships as they get older. In essence, they may stop reaching out since they have not had their emotional needs met. We knew we could love kids selflessly, there was no question of that. After our conversation she suggested an upcoming foster parent certification class. This class is 40 hours of intense training on child development, behaviors, addiction, neglect, abuse, and the system. She suggested that maybe we should attend this to help us decide which direction to go. As she left, we asked her to sign us up.