A Bit of Your Heart

I apologize for occasionally "skipping around" in our story, but today my heart is heavy with a concept that few understand. I have been told before, when my heart is aching for foster children who have left my home, that "This is what you signed up for". And while that statement is true, it doesn't make it easier.
My husband and I have been foster parents for nearly three years and while time helps bring acceptance, you never truly heal from the pain of having a child that you truly love leave your home. This last week has been especially difficult for me as two of "my" babies have been ill or had medical procedures done. You see while they are not legally mine, and not biologically born of my body, they still embody a piece of my heart.
For a mother Who has spent nights awake with a child, or kissed their boo-boos when they have fallen, there is something chemically that happens. It is natural to attach, and necessary for that child's development for this to take place. Over time (as the child grows and matures) we let go, we raise them, teach them, and when they are of age allow them to leave our home. This is where the difference is, as a foster parent one must not only attach to that child and love them as our own, but be prepared to let go long before they are ready for the real world. Its unnatural, and not something to enter into lightly.
I will never say that I regret being a foster parent. I loved every baby as though they were my own. I treat them with the same love that I show my son. I also never knew how much they would mean to me. I thought I could compartmentalize and be realistic.
I never got the statement that a "Child is a piece of your heart walking around outside your body" until after I became a mother. I can now say that I understand this statement and while "this is what I signed up for" I never knew the pain of letting go before this point.
As I have said before, this journey is not pain-free. We each chose our routes to the same end of FAMILY. I encourage each of you to examine your heart and chose what is best for you, your spouse, and your children. Be prepared for heartache, as it seems to be common place with joy and love. Lastly, be prepared to give up little bits of your heart and see them walking around outside of your body. I guess that is advice to give to ALL parents, not just us on this journey through infertility.