The Question

**Disclaimer: I am not pointing fingers, nor am I posting a "shame on you" post. I am speaking from my heart, and sharing OPENLY our experiences**
This is usually used as a general conversation starter, and honestly I am sure that I am just as guilty of using it with some of my friends. I do TRY to only ask my closest friends, and to only ask in a one on one setting. This is the "When are you guys going to have kids?" question.
We began hearing it shortly after we got married. Being a young Christian couple, this was pretty much expected of us. Marriage=Procreation. Shoot, this was what we expected of ourselves! But I digress, again. In the beginning...(wow that sounded oddly familiar)we heard this question primarily from family and friends. As time went on we heard it (say around the 2-3 year mark) from acquaintances.
Now where this gets odd, is when someone (an acquaintance, for instance) asks this question in the midst of a group. One specific time that this happened to me was at a Baby Shower (seems to happen a lot around pregnant women). I remember being in the group, smiling and laughing, when someone asked me this question from across the room. Talk about awkward silence. I had no clue how to respond. Thankfully someone (who knew about my situation) changed the subject by redirecting a second question. I wish I could say that that particular moment wasn't etched in my brain forever...but it is.
I am not always caught off guard, however there was another instance. A younger woman asked me the question, in this instance it was just three of us chatting. The third woman then proceeded to explain, with her arm around me for support, that "Karen can't have babies". I was irate and when I got home I swore to my husband that I would never share my "secret" with another human being. See, it wasn't that I was embarrassed, or maybe it was, but this was my story to tell. It wasn't theirs.
As I mentioned, I am not always caught off guard. I have had people ask, in a group, and answered that we are "just waiting on God". Or "Its in his time". Or my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, "Not right now, but we are sure having FUN TRYING!" You should have seen my Bible Study when I dropped the latter on them after venting about this very topic! I have never seen so many women blush in one place, and really I wouldn't consider them prudish.
As I mentioned, this is not a "shame on you", but really I ask that you take it more as a public service announcement. The weather is a good conversation starter. So is asking what they like to do in their time off. "When are you going to have kids" is basically stating "We know you're gettin' jiggy...when are we gonna see the results of it?"
Plus, consider that woman or man might be struggling inwardly and may not be ready to go public with it. When it is time, consider yourself to be a trusted confidant. Honestly, I have been living with this for 12 years. Some people in my life only realized our struggle when I began this blog. I have been open with it for roughly 7 years, however its not normally a conversation starter for me. Wait for them, they will tell you when they are ready.